


Shattered heart

by fightuntilyoucan



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, angst with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightuntilyoucan/pseuds/fightuntilyoucan
Summary: Take place after 2x20, when Henry told Elizabeth about what he feels. It my first attempt of angst in general so I hope you will like it. Ps. All mistakes are mine
Relationships: Elizabeth McCord/Henry McCord
Kudos: 10





	Shattered heart

Elizabeth knew something was coming, she knew the storm was just in front of her, but she hoped the worse will pass her by. Henry was suffering, she knew that she knew that for a moment she told him about Dimitri. Elizabeth looked through the window trying to find a way to solve it, to bring her life, their life back to normal. Henry walked to the kitchen, caught her attention when after a second her voice filled the air.

“You didn’t have to be alone in this. You-you could have talked to me.”

“I can’t talk to you! You’re all… tied up… with this in my head. Sometimes when I see you, it’s like I-I’m going right back there. I know you want to help, but you can’t. Because you remind me of how I failed.” Henry shouted, making her shiver. 

Henry's voice echoed in her head, his words hurt her so deep her breath hitched in the lungs. She took a step back, trying to compose the response but she couldn't find any good one. At once the phone ring filled the silence and Elizabeth was never grateful for a phone that interrupted her talk.

"I have to go to work," Henry said, looking at his wife. 

Elizabeth was glad that for the first time it wasn't her phone who interrupted them. She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the cup of coffee she was holding. She lifted her sight, giving him a quick glance before finally speaking. 

"Go," she whispered, walking towards the door. 

"Are you sure? I can stay till Buttercup…" 

"I will be okay," she said, leaving him with a concerned look.

Elizabeth was standing in front of her horse, his eyes were dark when she was scratching his head causing him to lean under her touch. She knew it would soon be over, so she said goodbye to her friend. Elizabeth's forehead touched the head of the animal, her soft voice soothing him. 

"Thank you for being my horse," she whispered when the veterinarian started the process. 

"Are you sure you didn't want to wait for anyone?" the lady asked, giving her a small smile. 

"There is no one to wait for," Elizabeth answered when the first tear rolled from her eyes. 

"Okay then, we'll start. He won't feel anything," she assures her. 

"Thank you," Elizabeth answered, holding Buttercup's head, placing a kiss on his nose, "you won't feel anything. You will be free and happy now," she said before he drifted off to sleep.

*****  
Elizabeth didn’t want to wait for Henry, she couldn't, she knew he was blaming her for what had happened and she couldn't stand that.  
She couldn't live a day knowing she was lying to her husband or telling him half-truths, but for the first time in her life, she was regretting that she told him the truth. Elizabeth wanted to be honest with Henry but all she got was him starting to hate her and that was something she couldn't handle. She had a plan, the plan to fix everything, the only thing she needed was time. 

"Mom?" Jason asked, looking at Elizabeth, "shouldn't you be…"

"Shut up," Ally said, taking a step towards her mom and hugging her tight, "I'm so sorry for your loss," she added.

"Thank you," Elizabeth gave her a small smile, "is Stevie home?" 

"I am," her daughter's voice filled the room, "I'm sorry for your lost mom," she hugged her too. 

"I have to talk with you all," she started seriously, walking to the living room.

"Are you divorcing," Jason asked immediately. 

"No sweetie," she answered, "please sit down,"

"Why dad isn't here?" Ally asked.

"He has to go to work," Elizabeth said with a tired voice, "I want to tell you that I have something very important to do at work. I may not come back home for a week or more, but I will be in the country. Everything will be okay, it's just something I have to do, but I want you to know that you can call me anytime and I will answer or text you okay?"

"Does dad know?" Stevie asked. 

"Not yet, but I will tell him as soon as he will be able to pick up the phone okay? Don't worry, we are not divorcing nothing bad is happening but I want you to know," 

"Group hug!" Ally shouted, hugging everyone. 

"Now, I will pack my bag," Elizabeth said, smiling at her children before disappearing in her bedroom.

*****  
Henry's car stopped in front of the stable. The rain stopped raining right before he left his car. He felt guilty and bad about how he treated Elizabeth, how hurt she looked when she left the kitchen that day and he promised himself that he will never let that happen again.   
He was just about to enter the stable when the female voice brought him back from his thoughts. 

"Your wife left already," he heard the lady's voice. 

"Left? When?"

"About two maybe three hours ago. We put Buttercup to sleep, she took her bags and left,"

"She didn't wait for me?" he asked more than the veterinary. 

"She told me that there was no one to wait for…"

"Thank you," Henry said, going back to his car.

Henry was angry. Angry at himself for being so selfish and all he could think about was Elizabeth. How much he must hurt her that she left without solving the problem, without talking with him. He wanted to call home, checking if she drove safely but he didn't want to scare the kids. He decided to do whatever will be needed to fix his marriage. To never, ever hurt his Elizabeth again.

Elizabeth walked quickly out of the elevator. The office was quiet in the evenings, she liked working then when no one wanted anything from her. The only person she called was Blake, she knew she could trust him and that he will do everything in his power to find the solution. 

"Madam Secretary," he nodded, "it’s coffee for you, I thought you will need it,"

"Thank you," she smiled at him, "do we have anything?"

"Nothing yet," he answered, letting her enter the conference room.

Elizabeth looked at her stuff sitting by the round table. She didn’t ask them, she didn’t have to because they knew if she needed to fix something it had to be important, maybe not for the country but for her personally. She put her coat on the nearest chair before taking a deep breath. 

“It’s not the official case and I will probably have trouble for doing it, I don’t want any of you..” 

“We are here because it’s our choice,” Nadine said, standing up from her chair, “what do you need Madam Secretary,” 

“I need Dmitri Petrov, and I need him alive,” she said with a serious voice.

“In that case, we have to get back to work,” Daisy said quickly.

Elizabeth went to her office trying to remind herself of every favor someone had. Anything that could help her bring Dmitri home. She was just about to call the Russian Prime Minister when Blake entered the room.

“Doctor McCord is on line five,” he said, walking towards the door to let her talk in private.

“Tell him I’ll call him back,” she said before she disappeared in the door.

“But…” Blake looked at his boss, “he insisted…” 

“I know, but I don’t have time now. I will call him back later,” 

Elizabeth knew it’s low, she knew she should talk about her feelings about what happened at the farm and that she should have time to mourn her horse, but all she could think about was releasing the man who her husband treats like a second son. She decided to do it, whatever it takes. She knew that if she wanted to bring their life back, she had to find Dimitri.

*****  
The office was empty after she let her staff go home and take a shower before seeing them again the next morning. Elizabeth was exhausted, she didn't sleep for over twenty hours, she didn't remember when was the last time she ate and the worst part was that she didn't have any results in her case. Elizabeth put her glasses on the desk, rubbing on her eyes, she was just about to lay for a moment when someone walked to her office. 

"Is it how we will solve problems now?" Henry asked, stopped halfway towards her. 

"What are you doing here?" she answered with a tired voice. 

"What are you doing here Elizabeth? You didn't answer my calls, you disappeared without explaining to me what was going on...you told kids…"

"I told them they can call me anytime they need…" she explained herself. 

"But you won't answer me!" Henry shouted causing her to jump.

"I have a job to do," she said, going back to her desk, "will go home when it's done…" 

"Elizabeth," he looked at his wife, "the things I said at the farm...I should never have said it…"

"You said what you were feeling, you can't apologize for what you feel or how I'm making you feel," she said, sitting by her desk, "I will call you, I promise but now...I just have to solve it on my own,"

"Okay then," Henry looked at her one last time before leaving her in the empty office, "I hope you will come back…" he added, disappearing behind the door. 

Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears right after Henry left the office. She could play it out differently, but all she could think about was get her marriage back. Get the old Henry back and never feel the same way as she feels now. She picked up the phone and after a moment she finally spoke, trying to sound professional. 

"Prime Minister," she said slowly, "I think I have a proposition worth listening to," she said, closing her eyes. 

Elizabeth was laying on the sofa, trying to compose her thoughts. She gave up, gave up on the project she was fighting for over two years, but all she could feel was a relief. Her talk with the Russian Prime Minister took two hours but it was worth every minute of her time. At once the door opened letting Mick get into her office.

"You gave up?" he asked, sitting in front of the sofa. 

"I had a reason," she answered, looking at him, "don't ask," 

“Henry…” he guessed.

“Henry,” she nodded, “but don’t you dare tell him anything,” she warned.

"I won't tell him his wife, secretary of state, will pick up a spy he was working with from a spy bridge," Mike said. 

"It's not a spy bridge!" Elizabeth shook her head, smiling. 

"I know but I like to think about it that way," Mike admitted. 

Elizabeth walked out of her car, the moon was shining bright above her head and she was wondering when was the last time she saw the sun. She spends a week and a half with her team almost locked in her office to finally bring Dmitri home. Elizabeth was waiting for the car to roll on the bridge, trying not to remind herself how Mike called it. She was so tired she could sleep right here and there, but knowing the boy will be safe that night gave her the adrenaline rush she needed. 

“Madam Secretary,” the man nodded, letting Dmitri walk towards the car, “it was a pleasure to make business with you,” he smiled, making Elizabeth shiver. 

“Can’t say the same, but thank you for keeping the promise,” she said, walking towards the car with Dmitri by her side.

“Are you Elizabeth McCord?” he asked with a small smile, his face tired and bruised. 

“Yes,” she said, sitting in front of him in a car. 

“Your husband told me a lot about you, back in the time we were working together,” he said, lifting his sight, “he told me once that you are fearless, I didn’t think it can be true...but now I know he was right,” 

“Rest,” she answered, “you will have to stay in my house for a while, we want to make sure you will be safe,” she added.

“Thank you,” he said, resting his head, slowly drifting off to sleep. 

*********  
Elizabeth slowly walked home, she hoped her kids will be still up, helping her with making Dmitri comfortable. She walked to the kitchen where the kids were eating pizza and talking loudly. 

“Mom!” Alison shouted, running towards her.

“Hey Noodle,” she answered, kissing the top of her daughter’s head, “we have guests for a few days, can you prepare the room?” 

“Yes of course,” she said quickly.

“Mom,” Stevie hugged her tight, “will help Alison. Dad is not here, he is picking Jason from the practice,” 

“Please take care of Dmitri, he is tired and hungry for sure, maybe find clothes in Jason closet,” 

“Don’t worry, we will take care of it,” 

“Thank you, sweetie,” Elizabeth said with a tired voice.

At once the door opened letting Jason and Henry enter the house. Elizabeth felt the tears in her eyes, but she doesn’t know the cause of it. She won, Dmitri was safe, her family was with her and all she could think about was how awful those days were. 

“Mom!” Jason shouted, hugging her.

“Elizabeth,” Henry asked with a surprised face.

“Mom, Dmitri can take the guest room or he will sleep in Jason’s?” she heard her daughter voices.

“In the guest room!” she shouted, locking her sight with Henry’s.

“Dmitri?” Henry tilted his head. 

“I brought him back,” her voice became a whisper, “I’m sure he would like to talk with you, he is with girls,” she added, leaving the room. 

Elizabeth slowly walked to their bedroom, her body became heavy and she barely was able to sit on the bed. She took off her coat, tossing it somewhere on the floor when the door opened, Henry’s voice filled the room.

“You come home after a week and a half with a spy who was captured and you won’t even tell me what’s going on?” he asked. 

“I brought him back,” she said, “that’s all you have to know,” 

“Elizabeth,” he took a step towards her, “talk to me,” he whispered when she stood up to face him.

“What do you want to hear?” she answered, “that I gave up on a project I was working on for a few years to bring Dmitri back? That I let Russia take all the glory? Or that I’m so tired that all I can think about is sleep for another week and a half? I did it because you would hate me, you would tell me everything's okay but it’s not!” she shouted when at once her sight went black.

“Babe!” Henry shouted, catching her, “sit,” he added, looking at her.

“I made the right call and the most important thing is he is safe,” she said on the verge of tears.

Henry’s heart shattered at the look of her face. She was tired, he could see it sensed the stress she was under. He took a step towards her, helping her take off her clothes and changed into the cozy PJ, the one he bought her for Christmas, he let her climb on the bed wrapping her in the fluffy blanket when her voice brought his attention.

“Will you lay with me?” she asked, looking straight into his eyes. 

“Of course I will just turn off the lights,” he said, for a moment being right behind her, hugging her tight. 

“I love you,” she said, pressing her back to his chest. 

“I love you more,” he answered, kissing her neck, “Elizabeth?” he added after a second.

“hm?” she murmured.

“Never, ever do that kind of thing...alone. We’re at this together, no matter what,” he said.

“I wanted you back, and that was the only way,” she answered, turning back to face him, “you are everything I want Henry McCord,” she said, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. 

He forgot how good it was to have her in their bed, to feel her warmth, when her back was pressed to him, the scent of her hair brought him back to the day he fell in love with his wife. Henry smiled at the memory after a few moments drifted off to sleep, this time with Elizabeth in his arms.


End file.
